Stage-Keeper
Gap in transcription. Reason: Editorial omission for reasons of length or relevance.
Use only in quotations in born-digital documents. (KL)[…] Would not a fine pump upon the stage ha’ done well, for a property now? And a
punk set under upon her head, with her stern upward, and ha’ been
sous’d by my witty young masters o’ the Inns o’ Court? What think
you o’ this for a show, now?
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Induction 31–35
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Scrivener
Articles of Agreement, indented, between the spectators or hearers, at the Hope
on the Bankside, in the county of
Surrey, one the one party; and the author of Bartholomew Fair in the said place and county, on the
other party: the one and thirtieth day of October 1614 and in the
twelfth year of the reign of our Sovereign Lord, James, by the grace
of God King of England, France, and Ireland; Defender of the Faith;
and of Scotland the seven and fortieth.
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Induction 64–72
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Scrivener
Gap in transcription. Reason: Editorial omission for reasons of length or relevance.
Use only in quotations in born-digital documents. (KL)[…] It is further covenanted, concluded and agreed, that how great soever the
expectation be, no person here is to expect more than he knows, or
better ware than a Fair will afford: neither to look back to the
sword-and-buckler-age of Smithfield,
but content himself with the present.
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Induction 114–19
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Scrivener
Gap in transcription. Reason: Editorial omission for reasons of length or relevance.
Use only in quotations in born-digital documents. (KL)[…] In consideration of which, it is finally agreed by the foresaid hearers
and spectators that they neither in themselves conceal, nor suffer
by them to be concealed, any state-decipherer, or politic picklock
of the scene, so solemnly ridiculous as to search out who was meant
by the Ginger-bread-woman, who by the Hobby-horse-man, who by the
Costermonger, nay, who by their wares; or that will pretend to
affirm, on his own inspired ignorance, what Mirror of Magistrates is
meant by the Justice, what great lady by the Pig-woman, what
conceal’d statesman by the Seller of Mousetraps, and so of the rest.
But that such person, or persons so found, be left discovered to the
mercy of the author, as a forfeiture to the stage, and your
laughter, aforesaid; as also, such as shall so desperately, or
ambitiously, play the fool by his place aforesaid, to challenge the
author of scurrility because the language somewhere savours of Smithfield, the booth, and the
pig-broth, or of profaneness because a madman cries, ’God quit you’,
or ’bless you’. In witness whereof, as you have preposterously put
to your seals aready (which is your money), you will now add the
other part of suffrage, your hands. The play shall presently begin.
And though the Fair be not kept in the same region that some here,
perhaps, would have it, yet think that therein the author hath
observ’d a special decorum, the place being as dirty as Smithfield, and as stinking every whit.
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Induction 136–62
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Littlewit
Gap in transcription. Reason: Editorial omission for reasons of length or relevance.
Use only in quotations in born-digital documents. (KL)[…] Well, go thy
ways, John Littlewit, Proctor John Littlewit: one o’ the pretty wits
o’ Paul’s, the Littlewit of London (so
thou art call’d) and something beside.
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1.1.10–13
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Littlewit
Gap in transcription. Reason: Editorial omission for reasons of length or relevance.
Use only in quotations in born-digital documents. (KL)[…] Win, good
morrow, Win. Aye marry, Win! Now you look finely indeed, Win! This
cap does convince! You’d not ha’ worn it, Win, nor ha’ had it
velvet, but a rough country beaver, with a copper-band, like the
coney-skin woman of Budge-row? Sweet
Win, let me kiss it! And her fine high shoes, like the Spanish lady!
Good Win, go a little, I would fain see thee pace, pretty Win! By
this fine cap, I could never leave kissing on’t.
Win
Come, indeed la, you are such a fool, still!
Lit
No, but half a one, Win,
you are the tother half: man and wife make one fool, Win. (Good!) Is
there the proctor, or doctor indeed, i’ the diocese, that ever had
the fortune to win him such a Win! (There I am again!) I do feel
conceits coming upon me, more than I am able to turn tongue to. A
pox o’ these pretenders to wit, your Three
Cranes, Mitre and Mermaid men! Not a corn of true salt,
nor a grain of right mustard amongst them all.
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1.1.19–34
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Littlewit
Troth, I am a little
taken with my Win’s dressing here! Does’t not fine, Master Winwife?
How do you apprehend, sir? She would not ha’ worn this habit. I
challenge all Cheapside to show such
another -- Moorfields, Pimlico path,
or the Exchange, in a summer evening
-- with a lace to boot, as this has. Dear Win, let Master Winwife
kiss you. He comes a-wooing to our mother, Win, and may be our
father perhaps, Win. There’s no harm in him, Win.
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1.2.3–10
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Win
Sir, my mother has had her
nativity-water cast lately by the cunning men in Cow-lane, and they ha’ told her her
fortune, and do ensure her she shall never have happy hour, unless
she marry within this sen’night, and when it is, it must be a
madman, they say.
Littlewit
Aye, but it must be a gentleman madman.
Winwife
But does she believe
’em?
Lit
Yes, and has been at Bedlam twice since, every day, to
enquire if any gentlman be there, or to come there, mad!
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1.2.43–52
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Quarlous
Hoy-day! How respective you are become o’ the sudden! I fear this family will
turn you reformed too; pray you come about again. Because she is in
possibility to be your daughter-in-law, and may ask you blessing
hereafter, when she courts it to Tottenham
to eat cream -- well, I will forbear, sir; but i’ faith, would
thou wouldst leave thy exercise of widow-hunting once, this drawing
after an old reverend smock by the splay-foot! There cannot be an
ancient tripe or trillibub i’ the town, but thou art straight nosing
it; and ’tis a fine occupation thou’lt confine thyself to, when thou
hast got one -- scrubbing a piece of buff, as if thou hadst the
perpetuity of
Pannyer-alley
to stink in, or perhaps, worse, currying a carcass that thou hast
bound thyself to alive.
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1.3.56–69
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Quarlous
Aye, for there was a
blue-starch-woman o’ the name, at the same time. A notable
hypocritical vermin it is; I know him. One that stands upon his face
more than his faith, at all times; ever in seditious motion, and
reproving for vain-glory; of a most lunatic conscience, and spleen,
and affects the violence of singularity in all he does; (he has
undone a grocer here, in Newgate-market, that broke with him, trusted him with
currants, as arrant a zeal as he, that’s by the way;) by his
profession, he will ever be i’ the state of innocence, though, and
childhood.
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1.3.132–41
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Wasp
Gap in transcription. Reason: Editorial omission for reasons of length or relevance.
Use only in quotations in born-digital documents. (KL)[…] Why, we could not
meet that heathen thing, all day, but stay’d him: he would name you
all the signs over, as he went, aloud: and where he spied a parrot,
or a monkey, there he was pitch’d, with all the little-long-coats
about him, male and female; no getting him away! I thought he would
ha’ run mad o’ the black boy in Bucklersbury, that takes the scurvy, roguy tobacco, there.
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1.4.108–13
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Mistress Overdo
I am content
to be in abeyance, sir, and be govern’d by you; so should he too, if
he did well; but ’twill be expected you should also govern your
passions.
Wasp
Will’t so forsooth? Good
Lord! how sharp you are! With being at Bedlam yesterday? Whetstone has set an edge upon you, has
he?
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1.5.21–26
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Littlewit
Tut, we’ll have a
device, a dainty one; (now, Wit, help at a pinch, good Wit come,
come, good Wit, an’t be thy will). I have it, Win, I have it i’
faith, and ’tis a fine one. Win, long to eat of a pig, sweet Win, i’
the Fair; do you see? I’ the heart o’ the Fair; not at Pie-corner. Your mother will do
anything, Win, to satisfy your longing, you know; pray thee long,
presently, and be sick o’ the sudden, good Win. I’ll go in and tell
her; cut thy lace i’ the meantime, and play the hypocrite, sweet Win.
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1.5.148–56
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Trash
Charm me? I’ll meet thee
face to face, afore his worship, when thou dar’st: and though I be a
little crooked o’ my body, I’ll be found as upright in my dealing as
any woman in Smithfield; aye, charm
me!
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2.2.23–26
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Knockem
What! my little lean
Urs’la! my she-bear! art thou alive yet? With thy litter of pigs, to
grunt out another Bartholomew Fair? Ha!
Ursula
Yes, and to amble
afoot, when the Fair is done, to hear you groan out of a cart, up
the heavy hill.
Kno
Of Holborn, Urs’la, meanst thou so? For what? For what,
pretty Urs?
Urs
For cutting halfpenny
purses, or stealing little penny dogs, out o’ the Fair.
Kno
O! good words, good words,
Urs.
Justice Overdo
Aside
Another special enormity.
A cutpurse of the sword! the boot, and the feather! Those are his
marks.
Urs
You are one of those
horse-leeches that gave out I was dead, in Turnbull-street, of a
surfeit of bottle-ale, and tripes?
Kno
No, ’twas better meat, Urs:
cow’s udders, cow’s udders!
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2.3.1–16
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Mooncalf
What mean you by
that, Master Arthur?
Justice Overdo
I mean a child
of the horn-thumb, a babe of booty, boy; a cutpurse.
Moon
O Lord, sir! far from it.
This is Master Dan. Knockem: Jordan the ranger of Turnbull. He is a
horse-courser, sir.
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2.3.28–33
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Quarlous
Body o’ the Fair!
what’s this? Mother o’ the bawds?
Knockem
No, she’s mother o’
the pigs, sir, mother o’ the pigs!
Winwife
Mother o’ the Furies,
I think, by her firebrand.
Quar
Nay, she is too fat to be
a Fury, sure some walking sow of tallow!
Winw
An inspir’d vessel of
kitchen-stuff!
She drinks this
while.
Quar
She’ll make excellent gear
for the coach-makers, here in Smithfield, to anoint wheels and axle-trees with.
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2.5.69–76
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Knockem
Be of good cheer, Urs;
thou hast hind’red me the currying of a couple of stallions here,
that abus’d the good race-bawd o’ Smithfield; ’twas time for ’em to go.
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2.5.159–61
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Justice Overdo
Hark, O you
sons and daughters of Smithfield! and
hear what malady it doth the mind: it causeth swearing, it causeth
swaggering, it causeth snuffling, and snarling, and now and then a
hurt.
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2.6.64–67
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Justice Overdo
Look into any
agle o’ the town -- the Straits, or the Bermudas -- where the
quarrelling lesson is read, and how do they entertain the time, but
with bottle-ale, and tobacco? The lecturer is o’ one side, and his
pupils o’ the other; but the seconds are still bottle-ale, and
tobacco, for which the lecturer reads, and the novices pay.
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2.6.72–77
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Leatherhead
What do you lack?
What do you buy, pretty Mistress! a fine hobby-horse, to make your
son a tilter? a drum to make him a soldier? a fiddle, to make him a
reveller? What is’t you lack? Little dogs for your daughters! or
babies, male or female?
Busy
Look not toward them,
hearken not: the place is Smithfield,
or the field of smiths, the grove of hobby-horses and trinkets, th
wares are the wares of devils. And the whole Fair is the shop of
Satan!
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3.2.32–40
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Quarlous
I’ll warrant thee,
then, no wife out o’ the widow’s hundred: if I had but as much title
to her, as to have breath’d once on that strait stomacher of hers, I
would now assure myself to carry her, yet, ere she went out of Smithfield. Or she should carry me,
which were the fitter sight, I confess.
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3.3.136–41
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Cokes
Numps, here be finer
things than any we ha’ bought, by odds! And more delicate horses, a
great deal! Good Numps, stay, and come hither.
Wasp
Will you scourse with him?
You are in Smithfield, you may fit
yourself with a fine easy-going street-nag for your saddle again;
Michaelmas term, do; has he ne’er a little odd cart for you, to make
a caroche on, i’ the country, with four pied hobby-horses?
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3.4.19–26
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Nightingale
Alack and for pity, why
should it be said?
As if they regarded or places, or
time.
Examples have been
Of some that were
seen,
Then why should the judges be free from
this curse,
More than my poor self, for cutting
the purse?
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3.5.82–89
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Nightingale
At Worc’ster, ’tis known well, and
even i’ the jail,
A knight of good worship did there show
his face,
Against the foul sinners, in zeal for to
rail,
And lost (ipso facto) his purse in the place.
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3.5.97–100
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Grace
Faith, through a common
calamity, he bought me, sir; and now he will marry me to his wife’s
brother, this wise gentleman, that you see, or else I must pay value
o’ my land.
Quarlous
’Slid, is there no
device of disparagement, or so? Talk with some crafty fellow, some
picklock o’ the Law! Would I had studied a year longer i’ the Inns
of Court, an’t had been but i’ your case.
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3.5.275–82
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Busy
Sister, let her fly the
impurity of the place, swiftly, lest she partake of the pitch
thereof. Thou art the seat of the Beast, O Smithfield, and I will leave thee. Idolatry peepeth out
on every side of thee.
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3.6.41–44
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Trash
A pox of his Bedlam purity. He has spoil’d half my
ware: but the best is, we lose nothing, if we miss our first
merchant.
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3.6.129–31
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Cokes
Would I might lose my
doublet, and hose too, as I am an honest man, and never stir, if I
think there be anything but thieving, and coz’ning, i’ this whole
Fair. Bartholomew-fair, quoth he; an’ ever any Bartholomew had that
luck in’t that I have had, I’ll be martyr’d for him, and in Smithfield, too.
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4.2.67–72
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Whit
As soon ash tou cansht,
shweet Ursh. Of a valiant man I tink I am the patientsh man i’ the
world, or in all Smithfield.
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4.4.205–07
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Knockem
How now? What vapour’s
there?
Urs
O, you are a sweet ranger!
and look well to your walks. Yonder is your punk of Turnbull,
Ramping Alice, has fall’n upon the poor gentlewoman within, and
pull’d her hood over her ears, and her hair through it.
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4.5.57–624.5.57–62
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Alice
The poor common whores
can ha’ no traffic, for the privy rich ones; your caps and hoods of
velvet call away our customers, and lick the fat from us.
Ursula
Peace, you foul ramping
jade, you --
Alice
Od’s foot, you bawd in
grease, are you talking?
Knockem
Why, Alice, I say.
Urs
Thou tripe of Turnbull.
Kno
Cat-a-mountain-vapours!
ha!
Urs
You know where you were
taw’d lately, both lash’d and slash’d you were in Bridewell.
Alice
Aye, by the same token,
you rid that week, and broke out the bottom o’ the cart, night-tub.
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4.5.68–80
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Leatherhead
Well, Luck and
Saint Bartholomew! Out with the sign of our invention, in the name
of Wit, and do you beat the drum, the while; all the foul i’ the
Fair, I mean all the dirt in Smithfield (that’s one of Master Littlewit’s
carriwitchets now), will be thrown at our banner today, if the
matter does not please the poeple.
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5.1.1–6
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Cokes
A motion, what’s
that?
He reads the bill.
’The ancient modern history of Hero and
Leander, otherwise called The
Touch-stone of true Love, with as true a trial of
friendship, between Damon and Pythias, two faithful friends o’ the
Bankside?’ Pretty i’faith, what’s
the meaning on’t Is’t an interlude? or what is’t?
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5.3.6–11
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Littlewit
It pleases him to
make a matter of it, sir. But there is no such matter I assure you:
I have only made it a little easy, and modern for the times, sir,
that’s all; as, for the Hellespont, I imagine our Thames here; and
then Leander I make a dyer’s son, about Puddle-wharf; and Hero a wench o’ the Bank-side, who going over one morning,
to old Fish-street, Leander spies her
land at Trig-stairs, and falls in love
with her: now do I introduce Cupid, having metamorphos’d himself
into a drawer, and he strikes Hero in love with a pint of sherry;
and other pretty passages there are, o’ the friendship, that will
delight you, sir, and please you of judgement.
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5.3.112–23
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Leatherhead
Gentles, that no longer
your expectations may wander,
Behold our chief actor, amorous
Leander,
With a great deal of cloth lapp’d about
him like a scarf,
Which place we’ll make bold with, to call
it our Abydus,
As the Bankside is our Sestos, and let it not be denied
us.
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5.4.113–18
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Puppet Leander
Here, Cole, what
fairest of fairs
Was that fare, that thou landedst but now
at Trig-stairs?
Cokes
What was that, fellow?
Pray thee tell me, I scarce understand ’em.
Leatherhead
Leander does ask, sir,
what fairest of fairs
Puppet Cole
It is lovely Hero.
Lea
It is Hero
Of the Bankside, he saith, to tell you truth without erring,
Is come over into Fish-street to eat some fresh herring,
Leander says no more, but as fast as he
can,
Gets on all his best clothes; and
will after to the Swan.
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5.4.139–52
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Leatherhead
Now, gentles, to the
friends, who in number are two,
And lodg’d in that ale-house, in which
fair Hero does do.
Damon (for some kindness done him in the
last week)
Is come fair Hero, in Fish-street, this morning to seek:
Pythias does smell the knavery of the
meeting,
And now you shall see their true
friendly greeting.
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5.4.220–25
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Puppet Leander
And sweetest of
geese, before I go to bed,
I’ll swim o’er the Thames, my goose, thee
to tread.
Cokes
Brave! he will swim o’er
the Thames, and tread his goose, tonight, he says.
Leatherhead
ye, peace, sir,
they’ll be angry, if they hear you eavesdropping, now they are
setting their match.
Pup. Lean
But lest the Thames should
be dark, my goose, my dear friend,
Let thy window he provided of a
candle’s end.
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5.4.289–96
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Justice Overdo
Master Winwife?
I hope you have won no wife of her, sir. If you have, I will examine
the possibility of it, at fit leisure. Now, to my enormities: look
upon me, O London! and see me, O Smithfield! the example of justice, and Mirror of
Magistrates; the true top of formality, and scourge of enormity.
Hearken unto my labours, and but observe my discoveries; and compare
Hercules with me, if thou dar’st, of old; or Columbus; Magellan; or
our country-man Drake of later times: stand forth you weeds of
enormity, and spread.
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5.6.31–40
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Quarlous
Gap in transcription. Reason: Editorial omission for reasons of length or relevance.
Use only in quotations in born-digital documents. (KL)[…] Nay, sir, stand
now you fix’d here, like a stake in Finsbury to be shot at, or the whipping post i’ the Fair,
but get your wife out o’ the air, it will make her worse else; and
remember you are but Adam, flesh and blood!
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5.6.96–100
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